Death is a harsh reality that everyone has to deal with in their lives. It's hard to do, especially when the departed are close to you. But how is a child supposed to deal with death when they are so young?
Emily Ciaravino, a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed BU Alumnus from Endwell, N.Y., had to handle the death of her mother at 9 years old.
Emily's mother, Susan Ciaravino, was a 42 year old wife and mother of four children when diagnosed with the cancer that would take her life a year later.
“When I found out, I obviously didn't really understand it,” Emily said. “I can only remember key things through the progression of her sickness.”
The memories visibly flood her mind as she fidgets in her chair and taps her feet. She remembers being so excited to have her mother attending her fourth grade parent's day, even while being thin and sick.
A month or two later, a hospital bed was put into her parents room. Fourth grader Emily would play with the bed, and would spend time laying beside her mother on it.
In the last few hospital visits, her mother was unresponsive because of pain medications. Guilt overcomes Emily as she relives one of the last things she ever said to her, “Mommy, don't forget me.”
The funeral was “horrible” for Emily and her entire family. Overcome with so many confusing emotions, she and her siblings found themselves trying to stifle giggles throughout the Mass.
“It wasn't until I put one of the first roses on her casket at the cemetery that I broke down and completely lost it,” Emily said.
The entire experience made Emily and the rest of her family so much closer, which is the most positive thing that could have come out of the tragedy.
Right after her mother's death, close family friend Sue Schofield of Endwell came into the picture and “scooped” Emily up. Sue has known the Ciaravino family for over 25 years, but became closer to them soon after Susan Ciaravino's death.
“Sue was such a God-send. She would invite me over to swim and hang-out all the time,” Emily said. “She made sure that I felt like a part of her family.”
But amidst the fond memories and healing, smooth sailing was unfortunately not what was to follow for Emily.
At 13 years old, multiple tumors were found in Emily's gall-bladder, liver, pancreas, and biliary system.
Her doctor had a diagram of the internal organs, and said he would shade in where tumors were present. Emily stared in shock as the doctor colored in what looked like the entire picture.
“I was just shaking, and shook even more when he said that he wasn't going to lie about the severity just because I was so young,” Emily cautiously remembers.
The doctor wasn't sure if he would be able to do the surgery, but he wanted to try.
“I remember looking up at my dad who was tearing up, and saying I'm sorry,” Emily said. “I felt so awful that he was reliving this all over again through me.”
But Emily kept light of everything in order to keep her family from getting upset. “I comforted myself with the belief that I would be with my mom if it did happen,” Emily said.
After a 12-hour reconstructive surgery, the tumors were successfully removed, and a heavy burden was lifted from her and her family.
All of these major events have been life-defining for Emily. She admits to being more outgoing, accepting, and silly. She lives by the mottoes that “humor cures all”, and that “family is everything”.
“I have seen first-hand just how temporary life is,” Emily said. “And I believe that we all need to just enjoy it as best as we can.”
